self care

Its not all sunshine and lemonade, and that’s okay.

Good afternoon friends,

I had the intention of posting this last night, instead I drank a bottle of wine and had a 5 hour long phonecall with my best friend, however I still wanted to post this to share with you all.

I am thankful that it’s Friday afternoon, what a week its been.

For anyone else that needs to hear it, its okay if you’re not okay.

I don’t mean to sound dramatic, nothing major has happened to upset or stress me out, but I am tired, overwhelmed and feel like I’m drowning in life.
I feel the guilt of not doing or achieving enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I have the most wonderful fiance, family and friends who I love dearly, I’m fortunate that I enjoy my work, and live on this beautiful island which I call home. 

I am extremely grateful for what I have, however at times I feel as though I’m not doing enough to appreciate it, and that I’m not living my life as I should. I don’t feel like I’m enough.

This week my loved ones have had to remind me,

– I can say that I’m stressed about work, but that doesnt mean that I’m ungrateful for my job

– I’m not in the mood to chat to friends on facetime, but that doesnt mean I don’t value them,

– I’m too tired to work out,that doesnt mean I’m not grateful for my health and my body.

Setting time aside daily, yes daily, is important for your well being. and no, before you question yourself, it is not selfish

15 years of depressions, self harming, and suicidal, if I feel a fraction of low, all the painful memories arise and it can seen me down the rabbit hole of thoughts.
I am thankful, beyond words. I never thought I would come out the other side. Feeling that way daily for years, I was certain that this would be my life for the time I was here, and it would be the cause of the end.

And if you too are still fighting that fight, remember, you are fighting, you are getting through it.

‘It doesn’t matter your speed, forward is forward’ – unknown

The past few days its been an emotional rollercoaster. It may be hormones, a chemical in balance, pandemic, the cold and dark winter weather, please remember it will come, and it will go (even if only for  while, you’ll get through it bit by bit)
Be kind to yourself.

  • Take time to breath
  • Get some fresh air

  • Stay hydrated

  • Take your vitamins

  • Do a 7 day yoga challenge

  • Work out

  • Pick a fruit, even if just one that you know you can happily eat every day (I recommend 5 here friend but we’re taking small steps)

  • Do something each day that fills you with joy and get lost in it. Even for just 30 minutes  – even if thts reading a magazine cover to cover, a few pages of a book, lay back and listen to a podcast, or have it on in the back ground whilst you do something productive, a few episodes of your favourite series, playing an instrument, know your own happiness and feed it

  • And if you need to cry, then cry. Let it out.

Recognise why you’re crying, or feeling unhappy or overwhelmed, and when you’re ready, wipe those tears and address it. Make a a plan, do I really need to mention making a list? (my happy place)

Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step’ – Mariska Hargitay

Open yourself up to people and talk about how you’re feeling.
A gentle reminder that your loved ones, although want to help you, not all of them may be the best people to speak to. Pick and choose who you can freely open up to in your darkest times, some are better at listening that others.
Everyone responds differently, some nod and will listen, others will give advice, and occasionally a few will nod but don’t acknowledge what you’ve said, but instead will spin the conversation round on them and make it all about themselves.

That has nothing to do with you, you deserve to be heard.

Although difficult, step back and think about what you want in life.
What does your future look like?
How you want to spend your free time? Make what you can possible and set your goals in a achievable time frame.

You’re never too old to set another goal, or to dream a new dream – C S Lewis

This last year, has been full of ups and downs for all, some are absolutely thriving, and others are just surviving.
I know times are hard, but find what works for you to find peace in your day.

I’ve always been goal driven and tend to try to make the most of ever hour of the day, which can leave you exhausted and feeling as thought you’ve got target but you’re on to the next without stopping to appreciate your achievements.

Your achievement for the day might be to get up, brush your teeth, wash your face, get changed, and then,

  • Look after your children
  • Work your job
  • Keep your household clean and tidy
  • Do a work out and blog for a while

Whatever you do, recognise that
You might not work out daily, you may have found comfort in comfier clothes, you may not have blogged as often as you liked. You’ll get there, if you need time then take it, take a break but don’t quit

‘Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can’ Arthur Ashe

You’re not failing.
Take inspiration from others, but don’t compare yourself, it’s not a competition.

We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Different situations, jobs, income, time that we can control.
It may seem miniscule, but it’ll help, each morning think of one thing you’re looking forward to, and at the end of the day, one thing you’re thankful for.

You’ve got this.

If you are struggling, please reach out.
To friends, family or the Samaritans.
You can call (for free), email, wrote a letter or use the app

The samaritans

If you need to take the time to just breath, give the free Medito app a go

And finally if you want a podcast to fall into, that is open honest, and relatable, listen to ‘Open Mind with Frankie Bridge’, on Spotify and Apple

Know you are not alone, and take a moment to breath.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend,

Kaya •