Uncategorized

I found a lump

Good evening friends,

I’ve been away from wordpress for about a month now, its been stressful to say the least.

This blogs a little different today.
My intention is partly to share whats been going on, to bring awareness to others, and to share the process of getting checked out by your Dr, as I was unfamiliar what the steps were for each appointment, especially during covid.

As we all know, the worst thing you can do is Google any health problems. But I couldn’t help it. Although I had through out been given leaflets on what may happen at appointments, there wasn’t any real stories from people who had been through this.


Mid September I was checking my breasts and underarms, as I regually do, and felt a lump in my armpit. I had a good feel, lead on the bed, poked around and asked my boyfriend to check for me. He felt the same. Quite a deep hard lump, a bit bigger than a pea.


The next day I called and booked a drs appointment. I couldn’t be seen for 9 days, but pleased the ball had started rolling.


My colleague advised me to call and see if they had any cancelled appointments. They did, and I was able to be seen 3 days earlier. Doesn’t seem like alot but it took the weekend out of the equation.


25th September
Masked up and ready for my Drs appointment, I rang the bell and was asked to enter reception, gel my hands and wait to be called. We were asked previously not to show up early, as there was no where to wait around to be seen.

I was seen only a few minutes after my appointment time. The Dr thought it best to examine both under arms and breasts, and called a nurse in to assist as we couldn’t be in the room alone. Both the Dr and nurse where calming, friendly and chatty which was comforting.

The Dr could feel the lump and thought best to refer me to the breast clinic to have a mamogram or scan at the hospital, and blood tests within the next 2 weeks.

I tried my best to stay calm, I was thankful that he could only see my eyes well up with tears and not my trembling lip and tomato red face.A few days later I recieved a letter from the hospital that my appointment was the following week and that they’d decide on the day whether I’d have a mammogram/scan, and to allow up to 3 hours at the hospital.
That week I was up and down full of fixed emotions and terrifying thoughts running through my mind.

October 8th
The day of the appointment i worked up until lunch, best to be distracted, then my other half drove me to the hospital. I was told in the letter to bring someone with me for support,  but when we turned up, we were told rules had changed again because of Covid, and he was asked to wait in the car.
I checked in and was lead to the waiting room.
Only 5 people were allowed in the waiting room at a time, and once a patient had left the chairs and handles were wiped down and left to dry.
For once, covid was the last thing on my mind.
The chairs, doors and walls were all bright pink, it felt like a medical dolls house.

I was taken to see the Dr and nurse who asked me to lay down so that I could be examined. The Dr said he wasn’t worried about the hard lump in my armpit although he had found a second raised area lower down along my bra line. I didnt even realise, but of course, he knew what he is feeling for and what may feel alarming.

The Dr recommended I proceed with an ultrasound, and sent me to the other end of the hospital.
From then another Dr examined my underarm and did a ultrasound. She confirmed the lymphnode was twice the size she was happy with and that it was very deep.
I had the option to have biopsies taken there and then or the next day, so I had thought I’d just get it all over and done with.
The Dr took 3 biopsies, it wasn’t painful but was a scratching/uncomfortable feeling as the ultrasound was pressed firmly over the needle.
This took around 40 minutes, I was fine for the first 30, but the last 10 I broke down as was left too long to think about what was happening.

The Dr and nurse were wonderful, they were informative and friendly, and the lovely nurse Che, held my hand (gloved of course).

I was given a appointment for a weeks time and told to bring someone with me to recieve results.

I cried hard in the car to my boyfriend, terrified with what they had found and if I would die.



October 13th
I went to the drs to have my blood tests. I was told to call them in a weeks time for results. If there were any concern from the lab of my results, they would contact me first.
Sounds ridiculous but I didnt ask what they were looking for, I was assuming the worst, because in all honesty, there’s where my minds been every day.

Cancer has been at at the forefront of my mind for the past couple of years.

I’ve mentioned before, my dear friend Sarrah found a lump when she was 30 years old, the lump was cancerous and quickly spread from her under arm, breast, organs, then to her spine and brain. She passed away 2 years ago at just 32 years old.

The week between my biopsies and results I was a mess. And my brain was like a sieve. At work I was focused but as soon as I left to be with loved ones and could relax, my evenings became a blur. I’d keep forgetting things, repeating myself, becoming confused because I couldnt rememeber if I had said something out loud or in my head.October 15th
I worked the morning, luckily it was hectic ao my mind didn’t have much time to drift. Lunch time hit and I packed up ready to leave. My boyfriend and I drove to the hospital to get my biopsies results.
The waiting room was empty, and tunes from the 80s played in the back ground, of course I ripped all of them apart and read too deep into the lyrics thinking they were a sign of what to expect.
I was seen about 15 minutes after my appointment time, I was sweating.
We were lead to the dr who looked happy but confused. He explained they hadn’t found anything that was cause for concern in my biopsy, however, where the lymphnode was so deep, they had only scratched the surface and wanted to taken3 more biopsies to confirm nothing nasty was found.
I cannot tell you the relief I felt.Helpful tip – I was told by a dear friend that I should ask for my results in 2 days time when I have my hospital appointment as they’ll have the results there. 2 birds with 1 stone and all…
My bloods all came back fine, fit and healthy.Luckily, the Dr asked if I was available that afternoon, I would have to wait a little but they could take the biopsies the same afternoon.
I agreed and half an hour later I was back in the room.
It was decided that it be best for a senior Dr to take my biopsies where they were deep.
By chance the lovely nurse I saw the week before popped out to say hi, which was a comfort as my boyfriend wasn’t able to come in with me.
The Dr and nurse positioned me differently than before, slightly rolled onto my side, and took the 3 biopsies within 15 minutes.

This past month I have been petrified. Scared I’m going to die. That I won’t get married to my soul mate, will leave my loved ones, my family and friends. Wont be able to make anymore memories. Wont buy my first house or finally decide if my other half and I want children.
Do I plan my funeral, my clothes, do I now make a will?
I fell down the rabbit hole and fast.

My boyfriend, friends and family and work colleagues have all been extremely supporting and have let me vent and cry. I am thankful. I am like a roller coaster. I have been uo and down, hysterically crying, not able to focus, then bursts of energy, feeling motivated and strong then back to laying in bed eating a bowl of chicken nuggets crying. Tight chest. Will I see christmas?

Please, everyone, check your bodies, don’t brush it off and think it won’t happen to you.



Men and women please check moles, body for lumps and bumps and your breasts and underarms regually.
And for all you men, when you’re cleaning in the shower, have a good feel of down there too!


Lumps can commonly be harmless cysts, clogged pours due to a build up of bacteria, especially under your arms. Many woman may shave their under arms, where deoderant and irritate the skin causing lumps and bumps. Please never assume it is nothing. Always get anything alien to your body checked out.


1 in 2 people in the UK will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime.

The amount if people ove spoken to where this has happened to friends or family. Some enlarged nymlnodes and bumps are benign, others are cancer, but they have survived, and others sadly haven’t.

My intention isn’t to upset or scare anyone, but to raise awareness.

This Thursday I have another appointment to get my results at the hospital, please send me positive thoughts.
*UPDATED*

Kaya •

I tried my best to stay calm, I was thankful that he could only see my eyes well up with tears and not my trembling lip and tomato red face.A few days later I recieved a letter from the hospital that my appointment was the following week and that they’d decide on the day whether I’d have a mammogram/scan, and to allow up to 3 hours at the hospital.
That week I was up and down full of fixed emotions and terrifying thoughts running through my mind.

October 8th
The day of the appointment i worked up until lunch, best to be distracted, then my other half drove me to the hospital. I was told in the letter to bring someone with me for support,  but when we turned up, we were told rules had changed again because of Covid, and he was asked to wait in the car.
I checked in and was lead to the waiting room.
Only 5 people were allowed in the waiting room at a time, and once a patient had left the chairs and handles were wiped down and left to dry.
For once, covid was the last thing on my mind.
The chairs, doors and walls were all bright pink, it felt like a medical dolls house.

I was taken to see the Dr and nurse who asked me to lay down so that I could be examined. The Dr said he wasn’t worried about the hard lump in my armpit although he had found a second raised area lower down along my bra line. I didnt even realise, but of course, he knew what he is feeling for and what may feel alarming.

The Dr recommended I proceed with an ultrasound, and sent me to the other end of the hospital.
From then another Dr examined my underarm and did a ultrasound. She confirmed the lymphnode was twice the size she was happy with and that it was very deep.
I had the option to have biopsies taken there and then or the next day, so I had thought I’d just get it all over and done with.
The Dr took 3 biopsies, it wasn’t painful but was a scratching/uncomfortable feeling as the ultrasound was pressed firmly over the needle.
This took around 40 minutes, I was fine for the first 30, but the last 10 I broke down as was left too long to think about what was happening.

The Dr and nurse were wonderful, they were informative and friendly, and the lovely nurse Che, held my hand (gloved of course).

I was given a appointment for a weeks time and told to bring someone with me to recieve results.

I cried hard in the car to my boyfriend, terrified with what they had found and if I would die.



October 13th
I went to the drs to have my blood tests. I was told to call them in a weeks time for results. If there were any concern from the lab of my results, they would contact me first.
Sounds ridiculous but I didnt ask what they were looking for, I was assuming the worst, because in all honesty, there’s where my minds been every day.

Cancer has been at at the forefront of my mind for the past couple of years.

I’ve mentioned before, my dear friend Sarrah found a lump when she was 30 years old, the lump was cancerous and quickly spread from her under arm, breast, organs, then to her spine and brain. She passed away 2 years ago at just 32 years old.

The week between my biopsies and results I was a mess. And my brain was like a sieve. At work I was focused but as soon as I left to be with loved ones and could relax, my evenings became a blur. I’d keep forgetting things, repeating myself, becoming confused because I couldnt rememeber if I had said something out loud or in my head.October 15th
I worked the morning, luckily it was hectic ao my mind didn’t have much time to drift. Lunch time hit and I packed up ready to leave. My boyfriend and I drove to the hospital to get my biopsies results.
The waiting room was empty, and tunes from the 80s played in the back ground, of course I ripped all of them apart and read too deep into the lyrics thinking they were a sign of what to expect.
I was seen about 15 minutes after my appointment time, I was sweating.
We were lead to the dr who looked happy but confused. He explained they hadn’t found anything that was cause for concern in my biopsy, however, where the lymphnode was so deep, they had only scratched the surface and wanted to taken3 more biopsies to confirm nothing nasty was found.
I cannot tell you the relief I felt.Helpful tip – I was told by a dear friend that I should ask for my results in 2 days time when I have my hospital appointment as they’ll have the results there. 2 birds with 1 stone and all…
My bloods all came back fine, fit and healthy.Luckily, the Dr asked if I was available that afternoon, I would have to wait a little but they could take the biopsies the same afternoon.
I agreed and half an hour later I was back in the room.
It was decided that it be best for a senior Dr to take my biopsies where they were deep.
By chance the lovely nurse I saw the week before popped out to say hi, which was a comfort as my boyfriend wasn’t able to come in with me.
The Dr and nurse positioned me differently than before, slightly rolled onto my side, and took the 3 biopsies within 15 minutes.

This past month I have been petrified. Scared I’m going to die. That I won’t get married to my soul mate, will leave my loved ones, my family and friends. Wont be able to make anymore memories. Wont buy my first house or finally decide if my other half and I want children.
Do I plan my funeral, my clothes, do I now make a will?
I fell down the rabbit hole and fast.

My boyfriend, friends and family and work colleagues have all been extremely supporting and have let me vent and cry. I am thankful. I am like a roller coaster. I have been uo and down, hysterically crying, not able to focus, then bursts of energy, feeling motivated and strong then back to laying in bed eating a bowl of chicken nuggets crying. Tight chest. Will I see christmas?

Please, everyone, check your bodies, don’t brush it off and think it won’t happen to you.



Men and women please check moles, body for lumps and bumps and your breasts and underarms regually.
And for all you men, when you’re cleaning in the shower, have a good feel of down there too!


Lumps can commonly be harmless cysts, clogged pours due to a build up of bacteria, especially under your arms. Many woman may shave their under arms, where deoderant and irritate the skin causing lumps and bumps. Please never assume it is nothing. Always get anything alien to your body checked out.


1 in 2 people in the UK will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime.

The amount if people ove spoken to where this has happened to friends or family. Some enlarged nymlnodes and bumps are benign, others are cancer, but they have survived, and others sadly haven’t.

My intention isn’t to upset or scare anyone, but to raise awareness.

This Thursday I have another appointment to get my results at the hospital, please send me positive thoughts.
*UPDATED*

Kaya •

Uncategorized

What’s wrong with me?

Hello WordPress friends, today’s post isn’t exactly what I intended, but out of concern I wanted to share this with you, hoping a light may be shone on the situation.

I’m currently led in bed on my right hand side, staring at the wardrobe and full length mirror. I can’t seem to get myself to get up as any slight movement is making me want to be sick again.

Over the past 3 months I’ve had 3 ‘stomach bugs’. Okay last month my partner and I were both in well at the same time,but otherwise why does this keep happening? I’ve constantly been feeling groggy, run down, with stomach cramps and aches and pains.

Okay, so maybe my immune system isn’t as strong as it used to be, but In the past 6 months, I cannot remember the last time I felt well and healthy for a full week. That’s not right is it? Yes there are bugs, and colds around and this season is yet to pick up from it’s cold, wet and windy days, but honestly?

I will been trying to call the Drs all day but have had no luck. I was hoping to arrange an appointment to perhaps have a blood test, maybe I have a specific food intolerance?

I’m dehydrated, I know that for sure. My attempts to sip water have caused me to feel unwell and my stomach to become ‘swimmy’.

Since being sick last night and this morning,I’ve only be able to eat a banana and a small bowl of white rice, with a few sips of water in-between.

I’m absolutely knackared. My throat hurts, and also my back from jolting. My head hurts from dehydration. I’ve got the sweats but my body is cold to touch, and my insides hurt. My whole torso feels terrible, along with a achy back and limbs.

I’m disappointed that I’ve had to call sick into work, again! I hate the feeling of letting down the team, but at the same time if be furious if a colleague came to work ill and then spread their germs.

Last night I also feel terrible for keeping my boyfriend up for hours on end, as he’s working the next morning, but wanting to help to look after me.

I’m concerned and confused. I live a fairly healthy lifestyle. I drink plenty of water, work out, eat my daily doses of fruit and veg, have home cooked meals for almost every dish that I consume, keep a clean kitchen, and hygienic home.

I don’t understand how I’m constantly feeling unwell.

The silver lining of this, if there is one, is that I finished my book. ‘Down the rabbit hole’, by Holly Madison.

It was dark, juicy, and better than expected. A recommended read for anyone who has a interest in the nitty gritty, and The Secrets of The Playboy Mansion.

Have you ever experienced on going sickness or a poor immune system? And do you have any advice?

Kaya •

Uncategorized

New Attitude, New Forest

Just a quick post this afternoon, but a proud one
This morning I thought, what the hell. If not now then when?

A little over cast and breezy, but perfect weather for a run.

At first My heart was pounding but as I gave a nod to dog walkers and saw the ponies and donkeys happily roaming, I realised that it was just the sight and atmosphere that I needed. I only ran a mile, but it’s a good start.

I’m now feeling motivated and willing to push myself a little further each time to get out of my comfort zone.

I hope everyone else is having a wonderful Tuesday

Kaya •