30 Day Challenge

Day 6 A letter to my teenage self #Bloggingwithnataliec

This is the reason I am so behind on my blogging.

This stopped me in my tracks. I’ve written this half a dozen times. Some to vague, others too detailed that I didn’t think appropriate (followed by many tears), I think I’ve found a balance.

My boyfriend and I spoke about this as I told him I thought it would be too negative, and then gave a few examples.

He asked if it would be more damaging than helpful to think, talk and write about it.

I explained to him that, ‘it is what it is’.

I am in no way brushing off what has happened, but as I’ve grown older, I have accepted that this is all part of my past, and that you shouldn’t dwell on that.

Rememeber the good and grow from the bad. That’s all you can do.

A letter to my teenage self

If I were to write a letter to my 13 year old self, I wouldn’t be able to warn you.

Just a statement,

‘This is going to be shit, in ways you’d never imagine, and I can’t prepare you for the next 10 years’.

Self harm, suicide, mental health, bullying, racism, abuse, physical, mental and emotion, and a few others that I can’t bring myself to write.

I feel sad for my former self as if it were someone else.

Its not just school and becoming a teenager and then young adult you have to wrap your head around, its the friendships, relationships, work, not knowing your worth, not having a voice, being treated badly and blaming yourself.

Speaking with a friend recently, I hadn’t realised that not only had I detached myself from some events, but had completely blocked others out that I had no recognition of, which is terrifying. I wasn’t aware that there are parts of my life that were missing.

It is not as if I was alone, my family and friends gave me such wonderful memories, and where they could, they helped.

I’ve always been seen as ‘happy go lucky’, ‘full of light’, ‘always smiling and lifting others’.

Well you can’t cry all the time can you? People would of thought I was broken.

I didn’t always let people in, I didn’t understand what was happening, how to handle it or who to turn to.

People who cared about me would often get frustrated as they weren’t sure themselves, which made it all the more difficult. After opening up about my struggles to then not be given help but instead to be angered at, it continued me to keep my mouth shut, smile and fake it as asking for help didnt pan out the way I’d hoped.

And rememeber, this is not your fault, none of it was.

One day I’d like to express everything I’ve gone through and write it down, but today is not the day.

It wouldn’t be opening a can of worms, it would be shooting a cannon bomb into a factory of them.

Kaya •

1 thought on “Day 6 A letter to my teenage self #Bloggingwithnataliec”

  1. Looking back and reflecting on life is one thing i love to do often. Its such a good reminder of how far you have come from the person you were. Loving reading through your blog! 😊

    Like

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