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Running nowhere

Todays post isn’t as positive as the rest…

I’ve always loved running, ever since primary school. To just run where your legs take you, with not a care in the world and your mind to explore if you please.

Since a leg injury in my late teens, I’ve had to compromise and go for a light jog instead of running. Still, I find this relaxing and rewarding.

It’s been about a year since I’ve been running, only because I’ve enjoyed other exercise and ways to relax.

This evening I thought I’d make the most of the clear sky and put on my running shoes.

I left the house feeling pumped and ready to warm up. I was only walking for about 2 minuted when my stomach flipped and my chest begin to tighten. I decided to ignore it and carry in walking, but as I could feel my chest pounding, I felt like the few people I walked past we’re staring at me, eyes fixated on my every move. Then I froze.

I just stopped in my tracks and could feel a lump. In my throat. I turned around with my head down, and hands shaking, I walked as quickly as I could back home. I kept telling myself that I was fine and that as soon as I got through my front door I’d calm down.

I walked into my bedroom, kicked my shoes off and sat on the bed, and burst into tears. I have no idea how or why I got worked up into such a state. I’ve never reacted this way before. After a while I started to calm down, put on the tv and just listened to the voices.

I’ve had panic attacks before, but not like this, it wasn’t as intense but it had that awful feeling that you won’t be able to come back from it.

I feel so embarrassed, stupid, disappointed and frustrated as for years, running and jogging have felt so freeing to me. It clears my mind, helps me to focus, I put life in perspective, and to get fit.

I don’t know what happened tonight, but I’m hoping that maybe this weekend I can give it another go. I know they say you should just throw yourself in at the deep end, but this isn’t something new that I’m starting which is why it’s even more confusing.

Hopefully this weekend I’ll be back to normal, and can enjoy the freedom.

Please comment if you have any tips or advice for this. Thank you!

Kaya •

4 thoughts on “Running nowhere”

  1. Try to keep track of your food, activities, and emotions to see if there is a pattern. This will be helpful if you decide to see a doctor. It might provide some insight as to triggers.
    Good luck and keep posting.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s good that you didn’t continue and listened to your body. It’s hard to say what it could be as so many factors are involved. I would suggest you see your medical provider just to make sure there are no underlying situations. Praying for insight and ease of mind.

    Liked by 1 person

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